As a business owner and licensed clinical marriage & family therapist, and in my own personal experiences, one of the misnomers many people talk about is they “think” they know what  little t trauma and big T trauma and PTSD is.  It seems “everyone” knows and experiences these emotions themselves, which is not always true 

And that is why I will provide psychoeducation on trauma, PTSD as well as the 5 trauma responses in our time together today…

At Grow Through Loss, I understand trauma and PTSD responses are a significant part of emotional healing, self-awareness, and our personal growth. Loss changes us, this is certain. When I lost my husband of 17 years, it was a traumatic experience for both my daughter and I; we assumed he would come out of it, like he often did. We learned early on how to take this loss, adjust the way we think about this loss; we decided to be grateful that we had him with us as long as we DID. It also (Growing Through Loss) reveals how we instinctively respond when our life feels overwhelming, unsafe, uncertain, or emotionally painful. 

Many women are familiar with the trauma responses i.e. fight, flight, freeze, fawn, flop, however trauma responses are often way deeper and have more layers than that. As we grow through loss, we start to identify patterns within ourselves that were created to protect us during challenging circumstances.

I provide psychoeducation on trauma responses such as fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and flop, awareness creates the opportunity for us to make the change we seek. It is helpful when we recognize that our trauma responses are not personality flaws. These unique responses are the nervous system’s way of communicating survival strategies.

Fight 

Fight may show up as anger outburst, narcissistic explosive behavior. defensiveness, or controlling behaviors. Underneath the fight are often emotions such as fear, helplessness, or deep hurt. We might subconsciously believe that if we stay “angry”, powerful, or take charge/control of things in our environment, we can survive or overcome this season in our life/circumstance.

Flight

Flight can present as workaholic, staying busy, overthinking, perfectionism, or avoiding difficult emotions, and challenges with sitting still. The Flight responses are often praised by our peers because this might look like we are high functioning; eventually, the nervous system becomes frazzled, we might think that we stay busy, we avoid the emotional pain, we keep moving on so that we don’t fall apart. 

Freeze

Freeze often leaves people feeling emotionally stuck, disconnected, numb, or difficulty in making decisions. The Freeze response is not us being lazy or weak, it is the nervous system hitting overload/overcapacity; we may not know what to do so we might start to shut down emotionally.

Fawn

Fawn can lead to people-pleasing, lack of identity, no boundaries, overwhelmed, over-accommodating others, or abandoning personal needs to maintain peace. Fawning is often rooted in a survival instinct, it is not weakness. The nervous system has learned that connection is synonymous with safety. If we work to keep everyone happy around us, it is likely we will be loved by them and in turn feel safe. 

Flop

Flop may show up as emotional shutdown, paralyzed by fear, exhaustion, hopelessness, or surrender after prolonged stress or trauma. The Flop often develops after a series of prolonged stressors, feelings of betrayal, burnout, or repeated experience of emotional defeat. We might feel like giving up because resistance might feel insurmountable to us.

These trauma responses are NOT weaknesses, this is simply information. They are adaptive survival strategies developed through pain, loss, trauma, chronic stress, caregiving, grief, and life experiences. While those responses may have once protected us, it is true that they can also prevent us from fully living, healing, connecting, and growing if we do not examine what is happening in our bodies. Many people move between these 5 trauma responses. A person may fight during conflict, freeze in the midst of paperwork, fawn with their family members, flight into work, flop when they are emotionally exhausted. Trauma responses are adaptive patterns; they are not permanent identities. My work focuses on helping others identify these chaotic patterns with compassion rather than shame. 

As we grow through loss, the question now becomes: How do we want to show up for ourselves moving forward?

I contend that healing invites us to move toward more calmness, clarity, authenticity, assertiveness, being grounded, and emotionally cognizant. This also means learning how to respond (5-10 seconds; thoughtfully articulating your point) rather than react (3-5 seconds; explosive, emotional outbursts). When we are showing up for ourselves, this means setting boundaries without guilt, speaking assertively without fear, and allowing ourselves to process loss without becoming consumed by it. Growth does NOT mean perfection; it means developing the resolve to navigate life with clear intention and intuitive self-awareness.

Here at Grow Through Loss, you can expect discussions that merge professional insight, lived experience, and practical strategies for managing trauma, loss, and change. As a therapist, widow, caregiver, mom, entrepreneur, best-selling author, and keynote speaker, I recognize that loss impacts every part of our lives, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and relationally. I also know what it means to continue rebuilding while life continues presenting new obstacles.

My hope is to guide others to recognize that emotional healing is not about becoming someone new; it is about reconnecting with who we are underneath survival mode. Together, we will discover how to move from fear (False Evidence Appearing Real) into being clearer, from emotional overwhelm into strength and flexibility, and from simply stagnating into adaptive growth.

I encourage you to give yourself authorization to heal, reflect, grow, and show up for yourself with compassion, strength, authenticity, and courage as you grow through loss and into transformation.

Question for you, what resonates with you in this article and how do you want to “show up” for yourself in the future? Share in the comments.